Marie* first came to Youth Eastside Services (YES) because her friends told trusted adults at her school that she was self-harming—cutting her own arms until they bled. At first, Marie showed little interest in opening up to her counselor, but as they developed a trusting relationship, the counselor was able to identify the cause of Marie’s shame, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem: She had been sexually abused.
Stories like Marie’s are all too common at YES and around our community. The sad truth is that — while studies show that sexual violence has declined in recent years — by the age of 18, approximately one in four girls and one in six boys will have been sexually abused.
Here’s what we can all do to prevent sexual violence against children and teens:
1. First, come to terms with the fact that sexual violence may impact the children in your life. As scary as this is, acknowledging this is the first step to taking action.
2. Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, or a child you know is exhibiting unusual behaviors, don’t ignore it.
3. Empower your children. Talk to younger children about appropriate and inappropriate touching, and teach all children refusal skills so they know that it’s OK to say “no” to an adult or peer if they feel uncomfortable. Don’t focus just on strangers: In the majority of sexual violence cases, the victim knows the perpetrator.
4. Watch for signs. The trauma of sexual violence can manifest in many ways. In general, if you notice significant changes in behavior, a decline in typical functioning or other signs of distress, contact YES or your family physician. For more symptoms, visit RAINN.org.
5. Report it. Sexual violence is widely underreported by victims of all ages. If you suspect a child or teen has been sexually abused or assaulted, encourage them to talk with a trusted adult. Recommend specific adults in the young person’s life who they could approach, and encourage them to approach as many adults as necessary to find someone who will listen. If you are the trusted adult, don’t minimize what your child — or any child —shares with you.
6. Encourage teens to stay away from substances. There’s a strong link between drug and alcohol use and sexual assault. To minimize teens’ chances of being hurt, educate your children how to be vigilant about their own safety.
7. Keep talking and educate others. YES is actively working in the community not just to treat the symptoms that result from sexual violence, but also to prevent it. Our RESPECT program (Relationship Equality and Safety: Peers Educating Community Teens) uses a peer-to-peer model to educate teens about what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Sexual violence is a tough topic, but silence only gives it power. You can play an active role in educating your children and everyone else in your life by having candid conversations.
If you suspect a child or teen is a victim of sexual violence, or if you’re interested in learning more about YES’ RESPECT program, call (425) 747-4937. Together, we can protect and support the children in our lives.
*Name has been changed for privacy.
Patti Skelton-McGougan is the executive director of YES, a nonprofit organization and a leading provider of youth mental health counseling, substance abuse treatment, and education and preventions services on the Eastside.
Since 1968, YES has been a lifeline for kids and families, helping them overcome emotional problems and painful crises to set them on a path toward happier, healthier lives.
