A middle-schooler coping with the loss of a family member. A teen who was new to town and just wanted to fit in. A high-school athlete. The daughter of a Seattle news anchor.
Depressed, rebellious, ostracized, troublemaker: These words don’t describe many of the kids we see at Youth Eastside Services (YES) for substance abuse. They’re the kid scoring the winning goal at the big game. They’re the kid who just aced the IB chemistry exam. They’re your neighbor’s kids. They could be yours.
In 2014, 37.4 percent of U.S. 12th-graders reported using alcohol in the last month, and more than 20 percent reported using marijuana. Good grades, involvement in sports and clubs, and even great friendships don’t always translate to a drug-free youth.
Being a kid is stressful, and kids are still in the process of developing the emotional tools they need to cope effectively. One of the most fundamental things we do at YES is teach kids how to deal with tough emotions like insecurity, loneliness and frustration in healthy ways. It’s a hard task to learn — many adults are still working on mastering it.
The good news is that every parent can take action to greatly reduce their child’s risk for using drugs or alcohol. And let’s face it — every percentage point decrease is a huge victory.
Seven ways to raise a drug-free child
1. Talk with your kids openly. Emphasize why it’s important to their development to wait to consume legal substances. Kids who consistently learn about the risks of drugs from their parents are up to 50 percent less likely to use drugs than those who don’t.
2. Deliver honest, age-appropriate information. Start as early as age 5. For a kindergartner, a simple statement like, “Alcohol and drugs are not for kids, and even adults can get into trouble using them,” may suffice. As your child gets older, increase the sophistication of your dialogue, and make sure your information is balanced and accurate. Look for teachable moments rather than having the “drug talk.” Check www.drugfree.com or www.nida.nih.gov for resources.
3. Listen carefully and without judgment. It’s hard to broach sensitive issues. Be sympathetic and try to understand situations from your child’s point of view.
4. Develop their self-confidence. Praise your child’s efforts, and help them deal with peer pressure and acceptance. Discuss the importance of real friendships and being an individual. Help them discover their interests and passions; young people who are engaged in activities are less likely to abuse drugs.
5. Be a parent, not a friend. Kids are less likely to abuse substances when their parents strongly disapprove. Set clear boundaries and real consequences. Be prepared to withhold privileges if there’s a breach in trust.
6. Know where your child is, who their friends are and how they’re spending their free time. Keep the lines of communication open, and don’t make assumptions: Just because your child appears to have responsible friends doesn’t mean they’re not experimenting with substances.
7. Team up with other parents. Form a group with the parents of your child’s friends and get to know them. Learn from the experiences of other parents. If you want to hear from a parent whose child struggled with substance abuse, listen to Emmy-Award-winning journalist Penny LeGate’s story at our annual Invest in Youth Breakfast on March 4.
Even great parents can have a child who’s using substances. What matters most is that you make the effort to educate your kids about drugs and alcohol, teach them how to deal with stress, help them build their self-esteem, and reach out to organizations like YES for help when issues arise.
Patti Skelton-McGougan is the executive director of Youth Eastside Services (YES), a nonprofit organization and a leading provider of youth mental health counseling and substance abuse treatment services on the Eastside. Visit www.YouthEastsideServices.org or call (425) 747-4937 to learn more.
