“Divorce, a word synonymous with failure, disappointment and heartache. Any man who loved his wife and went through divorce feels the stigma and loss,” Redmond Ridge resident Michael Eads wrote in his book “A Man’s Feelings: Finding Closure After Divorce” (2008, Red San Publishing).

In this economic recession, divorce rates are down, but not because couples are getting any better at resolving their conflicts.

“Divorce goes up in a good economy, because people feel trapped by finances when things are bad,” he pointed out.

The title of Eads’ book, “A Man’s Feelings,” might imply that it’s only for male readers. That’s not true, he said.

“More women than men have been buying the book, for their sons or friends who are going through a divorce — or even for their ex-husbands,” said Eads.

The title was inspired by lyrics from the song “Shame on the Moon,” written by Rodney Crowell and recorded by Bob Seger: “Until you’ve been beside a man, you don’t know how it feels.”

Eads explained, “Men deal with it by not dealing with it.”

Women tend to talk — or vent. Men withdraw.

While there are definite differences in the ways men and women communicate, Eads’ book has advice for anyone who has been blindsided by the words, “I want a divorce.” It’s not so much legal advice as it is about facing your emotions.

He had been married to Connie, his ex-wife, nearly 14 years when she walked through the door of their home and told him she wanted to leave him.

“I did not see it coming,” he said. “People say all the time, ‘I had no idea, I didn’t think anything was wrong.’ The first step is to see where you are in your marriage, get into counseling right away, try a peer group.”

Objective parties might be able to spot clues that you missed or to suggest how you may have unwittingly been part of the problem.

“Some people should not be together,” said Eads. “Maybe they married for convenience or didn’t want to be alone.”

In retrospect, he said in his book, there were warning signs about the girlfriend who became his first wife. His parents disapproved of her and he still regrets how she drove a wedge between him and his family.

But hindsight, as the popular saying goes, is 20/20.

If divorce is indeed inevitable, “Do something right away,” Eads recommended. “Don’t sit home by yourself. This is not a book about drugs or alcohol, but a lot of men will try drinking, partying, picking up the wrong people,” to deny their pain. His book describes his own struggles with depression and his encounters with people who “didn’t get” what he was going through.

A chapter called “Can this marriage be saved?” looks at the pros and cons of staying together “for the sake of the children.” Eads and his ex-wife didn’t have any children but he remembered the effects of his own parents’ fighting when he was a child and how he sat in his room and cried. He was raised Catholic, raised to believe that you stayed together no matter what, so this aspect of his divorce was especially troubling for him.

Eads’ book also describes the pitfalls of dating after divorce, but concludes with the happy story of how he met his current wife, Bing.

The book’s ultimate message is that you must let go of negativity after a divorce.

In a powerful passage at the end of chapter five, Eads wrote, “I forgave Connie a long time ago, not so much for her sake but mine. If you carry around too much anger and bitterness throughout your life, it consumes your soul and can make you a sad and lonely person. Love and forgiveness are the greatest gifts of humankind. They are the two things we all can do.”

For more information about “A Man’s Feelings: Finding Closure After Divorce,” visit www.bookondivorce.com or www.redsanpublishing.com.

You can also meet the author at a book-signing event, at 7 p.m. Thursday, April 30 at the Redmond Regional Library, 15990 NE 85th St.